Some days, I wake up in the morning and everything is perfect. The light on the mountains, the smiles from my dogs, and the kiss from my love enable me to write for hours, wrap up a new sculpture with confidence, or attack the ever ending in-box with a vengeance.
Other days are different. On these I suffer from exhaustion, the frustration of trying to do it all, and never having enough time to do it as well as I would like. Then, even the simple tasks seem monumental. The stats appear dismal. I pummel myself with self-doubt and can’t accomplish anything to my satisfaction.
Motivation is a funny thing. Self-motivation is a bear. Still, I persevere knowing that there are always ups and downs. It is the nature of things, and deluding myself into believing that I can just change my attitude and will away the dark times is silly. I can’t. I’m human.
Over the years, I have taken great comfort from different sources who validate this nature. Visiting the Picasso Museum in Barcelona is a consistent inspiration. Despite my preconceived ideas about genius, this museum illuminates the harsh reality that genius comes in fits and starts, and only when you stay committed to the work.
Caroline Myss’s audio tapes on the dark night of the soul are reminders that we need the hard times. It is through them that we grow the most.
Yesterday, another courageous woman wrote a blog post that inspired me. Here’s the link to it: http://smartistcareerblog.com/2012/11/hiding-out-in-plain-sight/
Adriane Goodwin has worked for years as a coach for artists. I haven’t attended any of her workshops or tele-conferences, but I have watched her from a distance. She does good work. Now, she’s thinking seriously about changing her direction mid stream.
As you probably know, so am I. My body is wearing out. Being in my studio hurts more than I am willing to admit most of the time. My ability to continue to produce metal sculpture in quantities significant enough to support myself is finite. But, honestly, it’s bigger than that.
Like I was called to sculpture, I believe I am being called to write. Even on the hard days, when nothing goes smoothly, I am more excited, turned on, and motivated than I have been in a really long time. There is something in my heart that is guiding me, and I deeply believe that it is the gravest mistake to ignore that tug — regardless of the risks it entails.
This blog — all the musings, the guest posts by woman courageous enough to follow their hearts, and the different entries that span the scope of my life — are all about shedding the supposed to’s and living fully as a self-actualized individual. I congratulate Ariane, and am grateful to her for her honesty. Check her out.